Scorpio | Hopium (Warner Music) 

'Scorpio' was the new song by producer Hopium. Jumping on the astrology zeitgeist, it's about the angst of being a Scorpio and falling in love with an ill-matched Gemini. 

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Romeo and Juliet 2019, right? 

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To promote the new single on social, Warner Music contacted me to write a series of hilarious (and outrageously factual) horoscopes. If you're in the right headspace to receive information that could possibly hurt you, please enjoy!